It was a month since my last blog post. My situation was getting harder and harder. I had been working on both my internship and portfolio-day and night, weekday and weekend, no, not 24/7. I had to sleep. I worked hard but I still had to save my life, otherwise I would breakdown. I had put myself in an extreme situation than ever before and, in the same time, I had to deal with the loneliness-the most vicious enemy at this moment.
Think about how lonely you were when you didn’t have friends to hang around. Everyone was busy with their own company and stuff. You lived alone (well, I didn’t live alone, but my Greek flatmate didn’t speak neither English nor Swedish nor Thai. I couldn’t communicate with him.). You didn’t have colleagues at work, but only the boss. You didn’t have time to go out to meet people. Only thing you had was just a computer (internet, Facebook and shit). That was kind of my situation.
It might look like it was just fine. No, it was not. Some people might be able to live with the internet and computer but, not me. After I had been chatting and talking with friends via computer for a while, I found out that it didn’t solve the problem. Physical contact was still a must and I was dealing with it. It was not easy. I had tried to chill out alone but it wasn’t fun. I just couldn’t be alone for so long.
However, let’s step back a bit and see what happened. It seemed like I was in pain and suffering from something. What I had learned was that no one wants to get along with an unhappy person. Everyone wants to be happy. I saw many people were seeking for happiness including me. Ironically, happiness comes from inside, not outside. People like to share happiness, but a good friend is the one who sits and listens to you when you have a hard time. Well, I’m not saying that I’m blaming anyone. Everyone has their own life. Sometimes our time doesn’t match each other. Life is tough sometimes. I just have to learn and embrace it.
Yesterday was a nice Saturday. I had a chance to visit my friend-Dongjiao and her family-the Karlssons-Numa, Kasper, Maria, and Lennart. It was a nice visit. We had a casual BBQ for the dinner. We made a rhubarb jam. I had a chance to play with Numa, her baby son. Suddenly, it was 11 p.m. I didn’t expect that. The time runs so fast. So, I left with a warm big heart and a jar of rhubarb jam. It was nice :)
Back to my situation, I had 5 weeks left before I would leave Sweden. The question was “Will I come back?”. I didn’t know. I was trying to find a job at this moment and it had never been easy. I couldn’t imagine how it would be if I have to go back to where I’m from-home… Let’s get in touch and see what and where my next step would be.
So here are the new sets of my individual project. Up and down. Happy and sad. Such a colourful life.
See you later,