Splendid Isolation

Hi there everyone,

Finally, I made it! I caught the Northern Lights. Roger, Dominique, Merlin and I went to Abisko in the far north of Sweden for the Northern Lights trip. It was super fun. Even though the lights weren’t that bright, we can see greenish lights on the sky. We also had the dog sledding session for 4 hours. I had a chance to try cross-country skiing for the first time in my life. I fell like a million times, but it’s really fun. Moreover, we stripped in the sauna with other boys and girls…such a new experience. We had a lot of activities and this trip was so impressive.

Here’s the lights that I took a photo from my camera in Kiruna (on the way back to Stockholm). It’s quite blur because the wind was so strong.

It’s quite interesting to spend nights and days with friends outside school. We learned from each other pretty much. I know my friends much more than in school. It’s like we put ourselves in another context. Then, we see and act in different ways…which are kind of fun.

Now, it’s the end of March and I have about 8 months left before leaving school for an internship. I kind of lose my focus again, or maybe I’ve never been focused…This school makes me focus on myself so much, much enough to make me feel insecure about myself. I have to be honest to myself and that is challenging. When I have to be true to myself, I can’t lie. I have to accept who I am and what I can do, and that’s kind of tricky. One problem, for me, is that when I get deep down into myself, I can’t see myself from outside. It’s hard to say what I have because I don’t know what I show. I can control my behaviour but not all the time. Sometimes it comes from my instinct or my nature which it’s out of control…Oh I’m lost.

I don’t know if this is normal or not. When I first arrived Sweden, I came here alone. I don’t feel lonely. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t know anyone or not (I know some people here, but I can’t say that they are friends. They are people who I have contacted with for help and for school.). I can spend a day on my own without loneliness, but, now, something has happened. When I have friends at school…when they are close friends, it’s really hard to be alone on the weekend. I don’t know how come the loneliness. Maybe because I have friends, I want to have a good time with friends rather than alone, or maybe because I have been staying strong for so long, I’m tired of being alone. I then try to reach out for company. One interesting thing is that I don’t have friends outside school…I do have, but not that close. They have a different rhythm. It’s hard to catch up with them. Anyway, real life is coming soon…

I drew this picture-King of Swords for my cool friend-Sebastian for his birthday (March 3). Such a tough work…need  to practice more…

Spring is happening. The new module is beginning. Life is running. Time is ticking.
See you around.

Take care,
Best